I was never partial to crows. I mean, a group of them is called a murder, which already makes them untrustworthy in my mind. But crows have always been a part of my life. As a young man working on my parent’s farm, crows had to be addressed, and I was a better shot than my dad or either of my brothers.
I was awakened many mornings to handle the crow situation in the cornfields. More often than not, a simple shot into the ground would get them to scatter quickly. I believe there was a network among those blackbirds, and they knew who was actually dangerous in our house. When I went into town with my siblings, I saw them lurking, watching my every move and ignoring the rest of my family.
When I left for college, my brothers got me a card from the crows, thanking me for leaving. My first assignment in English was to study Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven. In case you didn’t know, ravens are the curvy-beaked cousins of the crow. I burst out laughing when the teacher said what she wanted us to read.
My dorm in college was built in the early 1900s. Rather than having gargoyles on the posts, guess what the architects chose. Yep! Crows! I can’t make this stuff up. Sometimes, I wondered if God was trying to tell me something, and maybe He was.
I mentioned earlier that I believed that they had a network. I promise you that I am not crazy, but much like at home, I would catch crows on lookout, watching me around campus as I walked to class. When talking to girls around the school, I would notice them boldly getting closer as if to hear what I was planning. They were audacious since I didn’t have my gun with me. I admit that sounds strange, but I’m not exaggerating.
A few years passed, and I was heading home from school for the summer. You needed to travel about 100 miles on an old two-lane state road to get to our town. SR 62 had seen much better days, but the trees and rolling hills made it scenic and inviting. The road had many cracks from thermal expansion and contraction. These ruts naturally kept the speed on the road down, so I think the locals weren’t quick to repair them.
My car’s tires were tread-baren, and as luck would have it, they took one bump too many. I realized I had a flat and had to pull over. Just my luck, there were no bars on my phone, and my trunk was completely full. I groaned as I had to take everything out to get to the jack and spare tire. Fortunately, it was not that hot, but I could see rain clouds in the distance and wanted to get back running as soon as possible. I could smell the hint of rain in the air, and sweat already formed on my brow.
As I emptied the trunk, I noticed the cabal of crows got the word out as they gathered on the power lines to watch me toil. I looked up and first saw three of them, and a few minutes later, the number had grown to at least thirty. Initially, they sat quietly, watching me work. After a few minutes, they began to caw more and more.
I made a pile of my stuff off to the side of the road. Most of the trunk was filled with my dirty laundry, so I had a mound of clothes next to assorted boxes from my dorm room. Each time I would gaze up, the crows stared down, almost like vultures waiting for an animal to die. One of the taller crows watched me more closely. It looked like it gave directions to its cohorts.
When I would scowl back at him, he wouldn’t flinch. I say ‘he,’ but I really don’t know. I don’t know enough about them to tell the difference. For now, I’m just going to name this crow ‘Harry.’ Just humor me on this.
I wanted to think that Harry was the leader/instigator of the conspiracy, but they’re crows. They don’t think like humans. Still, it sure seemed like he was up to something.
I went back to the work of changing my tire. The jack was deep in the trunk and difficult to pull out. I managed to wrangle it but, in doing so, scraped my knuckles. I may have let a few select words out as I surveyed the damage. I caught the crows looking at me as I tried to find something to clean the wound. I swear it looked like Harry was smiling at my misery.
I took my hands and pointed at him like I had my shotgun. I even made the action like I shot him, with my best mouth effects. Harry didn’t budge. Instead, his head cocked to the side, and it looked like he was saying something to his colleagues. I saw the dark clouds moving in from the west and could feel the wind picking up, so I returned to work.
As I took one of the bolts off the flat tire, I noticed a pair of crows swooping down near my vehicle. I thought nothing of it until I saw one of them carrying off one of my socks. “Dang it! Get out of here, you stupid birds.” I stood to my feet and shouted at them. The remaining bird flew off as Harry sat quietly on the power line. I wiped my hands, and the sting of my knuckles reminded me that I had injured them. I frowned, examined the damage, and quickly headed back to work.
The third bolt felt like it was welded to the wheel. I was turning it with all my might when the wrench slipped off, and I crashed to the ground, re-scraping my already bloody knuckles. I cursed as I heard what sounded like laughter from the crows on the power line. I angrily surveyed them to see who was mocking me. Harry remained still, watching my every move. It looked like he was thoroughly enjoying my ineptness.
In anger, I picked up a rock from the side of the road and threw it at the line of birds. The crows stopped laughing but didn’t move off the line. They quietly watched my pathetic aim fall woefully short. As I turned back around to work more, they began laughing again. If I had my gun, I would make them move, but I didn’t, and I think Harry had already figured that out.
Bolt three finally loosened. I smiled at the victory, only to see one of my favorite shirts being carried away by a little black devil. I was so mad that I opened my driver-side door and put the rest of my laundry in the front seat. “Try to take it now!” I shook my fist in the air. Harry remained quiet.
The dark clouds pressed closer, and I needed to get this tire changed. I could feel my temples pulsating under the burden. I loosened the final two bolts and placed the jack under the vehicle. The car rested unevenly on the shoulder where it was parked. I did my best to find a level spot, but it was nearly impossible. As I started raising the car, it fell over twice. Each time, the crows laughed louder. Each caw I heard was getting further under my skin.
Finally, the tire was free of the ground, and I began removing the bolts. As I reached to take the wheel off, I noticed two crows landed on my hood. I sneered at them, and the two flew away. I smiled, turned back to take the wheel off, and noticed Harry sitting beside me on the ground. It caught me by surprise, and I jumped back slightly.
Harry stood motionless, watching me and waiting. What was he up to? The bird sat still as if waiting for me to notice something. I looked at him and finally saw where he was standing. I studied the bird, he was even bigger than I expected, and there was an unpleasant odor about him. My vision finally dropped to the ground in horror.
Harry was standing on my pile of bolts for the tire. It looked like he squinted his eyes in pleasure as he saw my realization of the dire situation upon me. I went from facing my foe to searching for the wrench. It was still attached to the jack. Harry cawed as if he knew the only weapon I had was unavailable. He cocked his head to the side as if to say, “What’s your next move, punk?”
I was so mad that I jumped up and ran at the bird, lunging my fist in his general direction. Harry gracefully moved out of the way and watched me fall to the ground. He waited for me to make eye contact and let me know he was never in any danger. Then, like a cold killer, he flew off, carrying two of my bolts in his claws.
I watched helplessly as the crow flew over the field, dropped the bolts, and then flew back to the power line. When he rested on the line, I felt the first raindrops on my head. I looked down and did my best with the remaining three bolts to put the spare on.
I tightened them and examined the spare. It was a little low on pressure, but as long as I kept it slow, I would probably make it to the gas station about ten miles down the road. By now, the rain was pouring like buckets. Harry stayed and watched every minute of my agony.
I finished putting the jack and tire back in the trunk when I realized I had a pile of boxes and clothes in my front seat that needed to be stowed. I screamed out loud as the crows once again chuckled at my plight. One last insult to injury is that one of the boxes’ bottoms got wet and opened up, spewing its contents everywhere on the ground. I did my best to pick up everything, quickly throwing it in the trunk. My mind was spinning with fury at this point.
At last, everything was done. I sat in the driver’s seat, about to start the car, when I realized my keys were missing. Oh crap! That God-forsaken crow got my keys. I thought to myself. I tried looking out the window at the power lines where Harry sat, but the windows were completely fogged over. Frantically, I wiped them only to see Harry sitting calmly on the power line, watching me.
I opened the car door and was greeted by a deluge of water. I put my arm up to protect my face as I looked on the ground for my keys. They weren’t there. Harry smugly sat on the power line.
Finally, I realized I put them on the center console for ‘safe’ keeping. They must have fallen between the seats when I put the laundry in the driver’s seat. I breathed a sigh of relief as I picked them up and started the vehicle.
Soaking wet, weary, and now freezing as the AC blew on me, I slowly made it to the gas station a few miles down the road. The mechanic asked how I lost two bolts. When I explained that a crow had taken them, he laughed so hard that he started coughing. After apologizing, he told me that was a first. I was not amused.
The mechanic just gave me two bolts and filled my spare tire free of charge. He told me I needed a new tire soon, but this one would get me home. I thanked him and limped back to my parent’s home, seething from what had just happened.
When I told my family about it, they laughed and told me what a vivid imagination I had. I was not laughing. We got new tires on my car the next day. I think I spied Harry perched outside the tire store.
The following morning came, and one of my brothers came to wake me to have me deal with the crows in the field. As he opened my bedroom door, he heard the crack of my gun already out in the field. Those crows weren’t laughing anymore.
A few weeks passed, and things were back to normal when I came out to my car and noticed the cracked windshield. Upon closer examination, I noticed a tire bolt sitting on my hood. I spun around to see Harry sitting on the fence post near one of our fields. We locked eyes.
Without warning, he spread his wings like he was declaring himself the winner, then flew away. It was the last time I recall seeing him. All I could do was shake my head. My anger had passed, and now I had something closer to admiration. That’s not to say I wouldn’t have shot him if I had the chance, but you must give honor where it is due. This creature with a brain the size of a peanut had bested me. A smile came to my face as I watched him victoriously fly away.
firstflite
